• Keren

Money as accountability as motion

I have trouble with money, there I said it. Let’s face it, I’m a single person in a double income world. I’ve read all sorts of things and listened to eBooks and audio books about how to change my relationship with money, but I’ve never fully been able to do it. Over the Thanksgiving break I bought a new car even though I really don’t “have the means”. It was a necessary purchase, my almost 13-year-old Mazda was telling me it was ready to go. (May she rest in peace)

My biggest hang up folks? The money of course, the monthly payment, the down payment, the insurance payment, blah blah blah. You mean I have to sign financial documents and go in debt and ding my credit score and enter into a six-year commitment and what the literal shit. Who knows where I’ll be in six years? It’s enough to really make you want to stick your head in the sand like an Ostrich and never come out. Especially those “bad cop” guys at the dealership. I got through it all, and I’m home and happy, I’m just dreading the responsibility. How I hate being tied down.

Here's the thing. Most of us normal people need to use the resources of others to move us forward, at times. There is no stagnation, and if there is, there is no growth. So, there are times when you have to borrow or depend upon others and really, it’s OK. Guess what, I’ll make the car payments, or I won’t, and it will get repossessed. I’m not going to die either way. If anything, I would have died in the old Mazda that had a fucked-up steering column and decided to only start when it wanted to. Guess what, now I can drive long distances again, who knows what kind of possibility my new found mobility will bring me. Maybe even a fun road trip or two may be in the cards for next year.

I try to think of money as accountability that moves into an action or motion. If I pay you to mow my lawn, you’re probably much more liable to do it and do it well. This sets you into positive motion and you do a service and you feel good and I pay you and I feel good because my lawn has been mowed. Money moves energy, for real. I will find a way to come up with the rest of what I need with action, by giving out my card more to try to get editing jobs, getting back to blogging on a regular basis to build website content and gain more clients (yay!), or even just working my virtual librarian gig more, or getting another part time something. Who knows where those actions will lead.

I have started to watch where I put my money, the daily things I invest in. Am I mindlessly purchasing things from a mega corporation or buying local or from friends and other business I believe in? Am I paying for a membership to a yoga studio (yes I pay so much that I actually have to go or else I feel terribly guilty), or do I spend a hundred dollars on booze and shirts that are going to fall apart after I wear them once? Both equal the same amount of money/energy but yield such different results. Where you put your money (even if it is borrowed) is going to change how you live your life day to day. If you start putting your money it the right places, it will pay off. I’m not saying it’s easy. I think that a person’s relationship to money is one of the most important ones they will have to straighten out in their lives. It just feels like such an evil thing, a bad thing, a scary thing, but it doesn’t have to be.

Me, I’m just happy I get to climb into a car tomorrow that I know it going to start. A-freaking-men.

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